Alcohol...

You are a poor substitution for things that are much more pleasant.



BOOOO

Novelty license plates...

why are there so many of you in Vegas?!

Margaret Cho...

You are truly inspirational and hilarious too.



You're also pretty sexy. WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR?!

Ready to eat Indian foods...

You rock.
Also, the lady on your packaging makes me laugh.
What more can I ask for?

Youtube...

I've spent way too much time on you.



STOP BEING SO GODDAMN INTERESTING OK?!
I'm lookin' at you skylarkeleven...

Dear every roommate I've ever had...

I'm sorry I suck so hard and steal all your alcohol and snacks :[



Except you, Karri. You deserved it. Fucking nasty ass feet....

Popov...

I've become too classy for you....

Mom...

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DRINK???

Grilled cheese and animal style fries...

I miss you like...hard

Zasraćalamel...

you are africano.

Voldo...

why are you so freaking cool??



Pew pew!

Lesbian cashier....

at fresh n easy...



Back up off my woman.
YOU go get the potatoes, hoe.

Krusty...

STFU.



And eat your krabby pattiez.

Oooooooo....

AooOoOoOoOo!!!!!

Raccoon...

IF YOU GO NEAR MY PHOEBE AGAIN I WILL TURN YOU INTO A FUCKING HAT!
DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!?! CHRIST.

MMMmMmMMmMmmmm...

If I could melt your heart



YOU'RE FROZEN, WHEN YOUR HEART'S NOT OPENNNNNNNNN

Tegan and Sara...

I AM EXCITED TO C U AGAIN!!!



Hayley Williams...not so much.



Maybe a little.

At least...

I got my foot in the door.



Alzheimer's u gettin' analyzed.

I lied...

scary cougars, you can stay in my dreams.



Parrots plz leave :[

Mom...

stop coming home early and ruining my pajama parties.

Bear Grylls...

PLEASE MARRY ME

Man vs. Wild...

You are my new favorite show.

Cougars...

Stay the hell out of my dreams



You scary ass cats

Sylt...

I miss eating you.
Double entendre? HEYOOOOOO

In n Out...

U will b mine

Telephone...

I only like you as a song.

OTHERWISE YOU ARE JUST LOUD AND RUDE. IT'S 10 AM OK?!?! DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!?!

Rex...

IF YOU DON'T STOP TAKING SHITS IN THE KITCHEN I'M GONNA KILL YOU

Explicite...

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

To everyone in the Walmart parking lot...

who saw my divine performance...

You are SO welcome.

CNN...

what are you talking about

Lea Michele...

my mom would be happy to learn...

I'm pretty much in love with you.

So I was playin' with the ferret...

And my grandma was like, "Awwwwww...

what a nice kitty!"

Sometimes I wish...

I was black.

You guys have all the coolest moves.

Florida...

I REALLY HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME LOOK LIKE THIS ALWAYS

ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.

Walmart...

You didn't have rye flour.

NOW MOTHERS DAY IS RUINED.

Living at home...

Is really a drag.

I need a job.

Latinas...

Thank you for existing as well.

You are bootylicious.

Skype..

Thank you for existing.

Cabernet Sauvignon...

We're out of you.

I am disappoint.

I am also some sort of anteater....

Two and a half men...

I've really had quite enough of you.

You are not that funny.

Butter...

You are hard to make.

But my arms are pretty buff now so...

Dr. Oz...

You make my mornings.

♥

So my mom went to the dollar store...

and was like "I GOT U A PREZENT!"

I can't eat this. It must not be a present.

So I was sharing my blog with people...

And some butch said she didn't like it.

So I killed her.

So I was reminiscing...

And I decided I really miss this song.

Whoa.

So my grandma came over...

And threw an old faucet in our yard. I threw it back in hers. Let the games begin.

This is the most fun I've had in weeks.

So I was playin' Xbox...

Crashin' cars in Forza 2 when my mom was like, "DON'T U HAEV ANYTHING BETTER 2 DO?"

I said no.

So today I was at the mall...

And my mom was like, "I'm buying your grandma underwear for mother's day".

I didn't really like that.

So the other day I was playin' Tomb Raider...

And my grandma was like, "Wow. They must pay that lady a lot! She's so fit!" Then she fell fell off a cliff and died.

P.S. Lara died, not my grandmother.

So my mom was throwing out some cat plates...

And I was like, "Mom...I'll take those". What a day.